Writing Woes: Amateurs

Last fall, I worked. A lot. I was pulling 40 hour weeks for the first time in my life.

You know what I learned?

Being on your feet for 40 hours a week is REALLY tiring.

Basically, I slept between work. Constantly. I didn't have a life and I didn't write. I didn't apply for grad school. I didn't do anything I wanted to do.

Except paid bills. I liked those paychecks.

So I decided I needed to focus. And school was focusing.

I would take a writing class.

While I don't see it as a mistake, I don't think I should have taken a 200 level writing course at my community college.

These kids are amateurs.

So amateur that I only receive really good comments from my professor and one other guy in the class who is taking this as seriously as I am.

Point:
I really miss Bailey being my editor.

Dating 103: The First Date

Congratulations! You found someone who you like, you've smitten them, and now you two are going out together. 

First dates are one of the most nerve-wracking dates you will EVER go on. Really. This is one of the first times you two will spend together learning about each other. It's nerve-wracking; you're not 100% sure about the other person's feelings for you and you're not even sure about your feelings for them. 

Because of the nerves you will most likely feel, you need to make yourself as calm and comfortable as possible. 

Where to go? If they ask you where you want to go, tell them a restaurant you'll know you'll like, or an activity you enjoy. Again, you want to be as comfortable as possible.

What to wear? I’m going to become repetitive with this. Dress comfortably. Jeans and t-shirt. A dress you feel and look great in. Don’t overdress, but also don’t underdress. Don’t wear anything that shows too much skin (personally. There’s enough time for that). An old friend once told me that you should only accent ONE good part of your body on the first date. Meaning, wear a v-neck shirt to show some cleavage OR a short-ish skirt to show off some leg. Don’t do both. This date is about getting to know each other – NOT trying to get into each other pants. Theoretically.

What to talk about? Think about the things that make a person a person. What kind of music do they like? What kind of movies do they watch? What was the last book they read? What’s on their TBR list? Where do they work? What did they do at work today/this week? Ask them about their family, their friends. Ask them about where they’ve travelled to or where they would like to travel. AVOID hostile topics like politics and don’t pry if they say they have a bad relationship with their parents/siblings. Theoretically, the conversation should flow naturally, but think back to these types of questions if there’s a lull in conversation.

Just remember one thing when you go on your first date with someone: you are beautiful. You are amazing. And the right person will see that. You will click with the right person. This is why we date, to find the person we click with and enjoy spending time with.

First dates normally suck. I’m not kidding. I have had more bad first dates than good first dates. But every once in a while, you find someone who you can talk to and who you enjoy spending time with. Just remember that that person is out there, and that you will survive all the bad dates in the world.

ALSO. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT: If you don’t actually know the person (blind date/met online), meet at the place you are having the first date. The getaway car is extremely important.

And don’t forget to keep smiling. =D

Inspiration Woes

I love to write. Really.

I love sitting at my computer and seeing my fingers dance along the keyboard as the words in my head appear on the screen.

Holy crap, that was poetic.

But really, though. It's magical when the ideas and stories you create in your head become real on a page. When you can read it and still see the stories in your head as you first imagined them.

Sometimes, the words don't always fall out as easily as I want.

Inspiration woes.

Normally, when this happens, I try to just carry on. Just keep typing until I see what I want or until I what I want just magically comes out of my head.

Sometimes, I go for a walk.

Actually, that never happens. Who goes for a walk?

Sometimes, I take a shower. That works.

Sometimes, I just don't write.

Sometimes, I tweet.

Or listen to Pandora.

Or play some stupid facebook game.

There is nothing so fulfilling as beating a hard level of Candy Crush Saga.


It's always good to distract yourself. Let the story brew in your head before you sit down to your paper or computer.



I can talk about finding inspiration for hours.

But I really should just write instead.

BEDA 2013

Oh hey.

Last week sucked.

But I decided that I was GOING to Blog Everyday in April.

Because.

Thank GOODNESS I decided that. Because the drama in my life has gone from a 2 to an 11* overnight. I honestly never thought this would ever happen.

You get to a point in your life when drama isn't worth it anymore. So you stop it. A lot of drama is self-made. And I did that. I began swallowing my pride and apologizing for my actions or being an adult and talking out my problems instead of bottling them up.

I'm 23 years old. I'm not in high school anymore and I don't want to go back.

Hell, I'm not even in college anymore.

If I don't (try) to grow up now, when will I?

But some drama creeps in no matter what you do.

This is drama I could not have prevented.

But I am swallowing my pride and being a grown up and a good person who respects the people in her life.

The drama has settled.


For now.


So let's try BEDA again. What is it, year four? Year 5? I have never succeeded or done as well as I did that first year. But structure, organization, and some themes are going to help me blog every day.

And my amazing boyfriend, E, knows about and will probably ask me if I blogged. That's always good motivation.






* *giggles to self for an hour*

The Steps to Loving

Everyone falls in love.

Really. It's part of our psychological make up. We fall in love with things, books, films and people.

Like everything else in life, there's steps to falling in love. There's attraction, infatuation, trust, and finally love.

Attraction comes easily. Almost too easily. It's a part of our every day lives. We see tons of different people, watch trailers, read summaries for new books.

Infatuation is a little harder, but also quite easy. We continue to see one particular person, knowing more about them every minute. We see more trailers, read the first few chapters of a book. We start to like this new thing in our life and we want more and more of it.

Trust is the hard part. The hardest part. Trust is where things get tricky. Trust can take months, even years. How do you know that you can, especially when it comes to infatuation with a person, trust that person to hold your heart and not tear it apart?

At the end of the day, you just have to. You get to a point where you know the person enough to know they won't hurt you.

This is where I get personal. I have the most incredible friends in the whole world. This has caused me to trust easier than the average person. Almost too easily. And when I trust someone with my heart, I end up getting hurt. The harder I fall in love, the harder I fall apart. You'd think that after the first heartbreak, I'd be more careful, but it was the opposite. I fell harder and faster than the time before. Which means I was hurt more each time my heart was broken.

I don't just have a heartache, but I fall apart. My heart breaks, my mind numbs and my soul is torn into pieces. This has not just happened once, not twice, but three times.

Last year, I met someone who I thought was my soul mate. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. He was my companion, my best friend, my lover, my everything. I trusted him. I trusted him too quickly and too much.

He, as the pattern shows, hurt me. He hurt me a lot. He hurt me to the point where I didn't want to be anymore.

I've always picked up the pieces of my life and put them back together. Always. But he hurt me so much that I couldn't pick up the pieces myself. I needed my friends and my family. There were so many pieces, that I am STILL picking them up twelve months later.

But I am picking them up. About eight months ago, I started picking them up and moving on.

Keep calm and carry on, right?

Except, I am at the point where I am infatuated again and I need to start trusting. This is what brings me to write. I need to trust again in order to find love.

Every time I think about trusting, I feel the pain all over again. I never realized before this month how much my Doctor truly hurt me. The pain is still there.

*sigh*

I know I can do this. I have to do this. You have to trust.

Because trust leads to the most powerful, amazing thing in the world...

Love.

Finding love again, makes all the lies, the tears, the crushed hopes and dreams, the hurt and the pain worth it.

[2]Dear 13-Year-Old Kelly, This is the Worst Day of Your Life

November 5th


Dear 13-Year-Old Kelly,

Oh, November 5th.

You know what sucks more than what will happen today?

This is an English holiday. It's a BIG English holiday. So not only will you always remember the darkness that comes with today, you'll always remember the day because it's a holiday! There will be tweets and facebook statuses... but I won't confuse you with things you don't understand yet.

I want you to do one thing today: breathe.

I'm going to breathe, too. Because that is the only you can keep doing.

The people who you thought were your best friends, who, you thought, loved you no matter what? They're going to stab you in the back today.

They know your fears. They know your hopes. Worse, they know who you like. And that is the worst possible thing a 13-year-old girl can know.

They are going to trick you into asking said crush out. They will tell you it *has* to be today. They will tell you he *will* say yes. They tell you everything you need to hear to ask him to be your boyfriend. It works.

You go to his locker after school and in front of most of the 8th grade class [who, you're pretty sure knows what's going on], you ask him to go out with you.

Then, one of the biggest shocks of your life, he says no.

Well, like any normal girl, you freeze. Fight or flight? It's Tuesday, you have Student Council - flight.

You say, "okay." and make your way through the crowd to the cafeteria. You don't care that you're *going* to be the first one there, you just need to get out. You don't cry, you're in shock.

Slowly, you begin to realize what happened. They tricked you. But it's okay. Because you didn't love him or anything, it was just a crush. You'll carry on.

What you don't understand, what breaks your heart, your body, your soul into a thousand pieces, is why your *best friends* did this to you. It was a joke. It was a cruel joke.

Some friends come into the cafeteria, claiming that the whole school saw me run off crying. No, you correct, you just needed to come to student council. You're not crying, except for a few tears shed, you're fine. You're perfectly fine.

You just don't understand.

And oh shit, where are you going to sit at lunch tomorrow?


All my love,
23-year-old Kelly

[1]Dear 13-Year-Old-Kelly, You're Happy...

October 27th

Dear 13-Year-Old-Kelly,

You know what I love about you? How naive you are. You are so happy in your unknown innocence. And I love that.

You think you're becoming popular, and because of this, your confidence is growing. I am so happy for you that you think that.

You think a boy likes you. And that makes you smile. That makes you smile more than anything in the world.

You know you are smart. You do your homework right. You study. You get As, sometimes Bs. You like school.

You're undecided about what you want to do for the rest of your life, but you want to go to college. You want to learn.


I don't know what to tell you. Prepare yourself. Guard your heart. Guard your life. Guard your passion.

Don't forget who your friends are. Don't cut people off because you want to climb to the top. Don't sacrifice who you are to be someone else.

Try not to be jealous. Know when to vocalize your jealousy and when to keep your mouth shut.

Keep your eyes open.


All my love,
23-year-old Kelly