BEDA11: Moment of Weakness

If you're reading this, you got the link from my twitter, most likely.

And if you know me, or have known me since last November, you know the DRAMA that went on in my life for so long. There's ups, downs and all sorts of crazy moments in that story*.

When it all came to the climax**, I had a ROUGH week. It was.... not fun. One of the worst weeks in the past ten years.

But then, I got up. If you stare at "NO DAY BUT TODAY" long enough***, it becomes seared in your brain.

At first, it made me cry. I didn't want a today.

Then it made me cry because I was letting Jonathan down. He would not approve of my state.

Then I watched a Vlogbrothers video. And I remembered something I should, never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever**** forget:

I AM MADE OF AWESOME.

I am not just awesome, but MADE of awesome. My blood is super-duper*****, this is how I know.

Then the clarity came. I was in such a SUCKY mood because my life was surrounded by people who SUCK. So delete the suck. It was almost TOO easy. I delete my facebook. When I wanted to stalk, I remembered the suck and did something awesome instead.

Slowly, life got better. I met a boy. I was smiling. I was watching Doctor Who.

Last night, I was weak. After two months, I did something I am not proud of.

But it's okay.

Then my Darren came on the screen and all was better because I love him and he loves me and I am going to have a KICK ASS spring and summer and fall will be glorious and there will be lots of writing and reading and friends and for the first time in a long time because I know what the future holds even the present is not what I want it to be:

I love my life.






*#ohheyCharlie
**which is ironically, the end of the story
***this has been painted onto the wall by my bed, for all the reasons that comes after that line.
****I would say "ever" forever if I could. Because.
*****I have a rare blood type and last time I gave, it went to a little baby girl because of my pallets or some shit.

BEDA10: Why I Tweet

In the past few months, being an avid tweeter has been a bit of a... problem.

I've been tweeting for almost four years. FOUR YEARS. You can't kick a habit you've had for four years.

BESIDES the fact that I have made a handful of my BEST FRIENDS on twitter*.

I'm hardly going to abandon my friends. That would be like the most horrible thing in the world.

I don't tweet because I love to share my life with the world - I tweet because I'm sharing my life with my friends who live from Australia to California to Texas and Indiana and New York and over to London and Ireland. So yes, maybe I am sharing my life with the world, but that's only because my friends are scattered across the world.

I'm really sorry - my views on this topic is so scattered and I'm so scattered that I can't really write right now.


*and youtube and tumblr and ning and so many other social media sites.

BEDA8: Happy Cadbury Eggs Day!

I'm not a huge fan of Easter.

No, really. I don't know WHY. I just never have been.

Today wasn't even all that... great. Just average.

I ate WAY more candy than I should have, did not do my homework, and watched TV all day. So basically a normal Sunday. Sans nap.

That is all.

BEDA7: Take the Leap

Tonight, I saw LEAP OF FAITH on Broadway.

Even though I am kinda BROKE and shouldn't have gone to see this, I am SO FREAKING HAPPY I did. I will list these reasons now.

1. I saw it in previews, a first. I also fell in love, so now I have ITS ENTIRE RUN to go back and see it. I really would love to get back before June, but even after that, I'll have the summer. Even if Raul is out one night, I get Louis. I will be seeing this again.

2. On that topic: RAUL ESPARZA. Besides the fact that I never pronounce his last name correctly, I adore this man to high heavens. I am celebrating 9 years of being a Broadway Baby and I have been listening to his voice for most of that 9 years. This man was in RHPS, Company, Tick, Tick...BOOM!, and so much more. His voice is heavenly. It's strong and stable and there's no doubt that he'll be nominated for a Tony. Since he's playing a preacher, it's only fitting how much he makes you BELIEVE. He's got a star's stage presence without (really) being a star. He commands everyone's attention from the first note to the last and wows all the fangirls and boys afterwards.

Oh, and when I brought up TTB, he told me how much the show changed his life. The greatest gift an actor can give a Broadway Baby is an actual conversation. Thank you, Raul, for that experience.

3. The rest of the cast. To list all the amazing cast members would be annoying. Especially since most of you will not know who they are. But let me tell you, these cast members KICK ASS. They are so fully of energy and life and love what they're doing in the St. James every night. A true telling of how amazing the cast is is what happens AFTER the show. Do they come out? Do they talk to you? Do they take pictures? Yes, yes, yes and SO much more. This cast LOVED greeting us and signing our playbills. This could be a perk of previews, but I doubt that. We loved them and they gave us love right back. My whole playbill is FULL. About as full as it's been since HAIR. Which is a helluva lot.

4. The story. While the story wasn't as great as some of the shows I've seen in the past year, Broadway isn't about getting deep [at least, not Irving Berlin's]. The story was simple, easy to follow, and had great music. That makes a great Broadway show. Romance, AMAZING choreography, and a star I could not stop staring at. That is enough reason for me to go.

5. Again, speaking of choreography, if this show doesn't get nominated, if not WIN that Tony, I will hurt someone. The steps were not only intricate, but INTENSE. These dancers, including Raul, put 140% into this show. I threw a fit when Legally Blonde didn't win Best Choreography, and I will throw another one if LoF doesn't win. Besides having Nice Work as competition, this show should get it.*


As of right now, that's all the reasons I can think of about why this show is amazing and deserves nominations and Tonys. I know this show will last throughout the summer, if not the year. Once people hear about this, well, they'll take the leap, too.



*And Godspell and JCS, too.

BEDA5: Driving Lessons

In an attempt to lower my high car insurance bill, I am taking an online defensive driving course. 

Which basically means I get to sit for hours and re-learn everything I already know, because I am a good driver. 

It's really boring. 

But I'm almost done. 

I'll update you on how much lower my insurance goes once I'm done. 

That is all. 

BEDA4: Finding a Job is Scary

This Saturday marks the 5 week mark until Graduation. 

Needless to say, I'm scared. 

In some of my spare time, I have been looking at jobs. THIS is scary. I've been searching in some of the social media openings, but IMMEDIATELY get intimidated. I don't think I'm ready to be in a management position. 

As I think about the last five years, the years that were supposed to shape me for a real job, I realize that I know NOTHING. 

No, seriously. I don't know anything about the real world. What is a real job and how do I do it? 

I know how to be a student. I was pretty good at that. I don't know how to do anything else. 

So basically all this "looking for a job" thing is SCARY. 

The worst part is, I'm ready. I'm so over school and studying and HOMEWORK. I'm ready for a 9-5. 

I just don't know how to do a 9-5. 

And I immediately hate my entire college education.