Wednesday, April 11, 2012

BEDA11: Moment of Weakness

If you're reading this, you got the link from my twitter, most likely.

And if you know me, or have known me since last November, you know the DRAMA that went on in my life for so long. There's ups, downs and all sorts of crazy moments in that story*.

When it all came to the climax**, I had a ROUGH week. It was.... not fun. One of the worst weeks in the past ten years.

But then, I got up. If you stare at "NO DAY BUT TODAY" long enough***, it becomes seared in your brain.

At first, it made me cry. I didn't want a today.

Then it made me cry because I was letting Jonathan down. He would not approve of my state.

Then I watched a Vlogbrothers video. And I remembered something I should, never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever**** forget:


I am not just awesome, but MADE of awesome. My blood is super-duper*****, this is how I know.

Then the clarity came. I was in such a SUCKY mood because my life was surrounded by people who SUCK. So delete the suck. It was almost TOO easy. I delete my facebook. When I wanted to stalk, I remembered the suck and did something awesome instead.

Slowly, life got better. I met a boy. I was smiling. I was watching Doctor Who.

Last night, I was weak. After two months, I did something I am not proud of.

But it's okay.

Then my Darren came on the screen and all was better because I love him and he loves me and I am going to have a KICK ASS spring and summer and fall will be glorious and there will be lots of writing and reading and friends and for the first time in a long time because I know what the future holds even the present is not what I want it to be:

I love my life.

**which is ironically, the end of the story
***this has been painted onto the wall by my bed, for all the reasons that comes after that line.
****I would say "ever" forever if I could. Because.
*****I have a rare blood type and last time I gave, it went to a little baby girl because of my pallets or some shit.

1 comment:

  1. Kelly, what blood type do you have that is super rare? I am CURIOUS. I love me THE SCIENCE.