Most of you probably don't know this, but I'm a gay rights activist. I wrote my senior thesis on gay marriage and actually went down to DC to talk to some politicians and the APA about it.
I was also bullied all throughout grammar, middle, and high school. It wasn't because I was gay, but because I was a little naive and a bit of a nerd.
One day in eighth grade, my best friends played a really mean joke on me.
From here, it all went downhill. I didn't want to be at school anymore. I didn't know who I could trust, and I had four friends and I didn't even know if they cared about me, or just took me back in because they pitied me [they did care about me. a lot.]
I ended up trusting a few girls online who "accidentally" im'ed me one day when they "messed up their friend's screen name." These girls ended up being my best friends in disguise to spy on me [to this day I don't know if it was because they really did care about me or if they just wanted to continue to make fun of me irl]. I told these girls how unhappy I was at my school and that I was considering killing myself.
I was very depressed and did consider suicide. It was a scary time and I hated feeling that way.
Well, one of the girls got so scared that she went to our guidance counselor and told her that I was suicidal. I was called down, interviewed, my parents were called - it was a big deal. When I found out who told, I wasn't touched. I was hurt more. She had decieved me again and I didn't want to be around her or anyone else anymore. I fell more into a depression and learned to keep my suicidal thoughts to myself.
Two months later, I started feeling better. I found RENT and Jonathan Larson's message made me believe that I was alive for a reason and I needed to find that reason.
I continued to be bullied, but I didn't let it effect me. I had started writing a lot to get out my feelings and I knew that I would be more successful than all of them one day. They peeked in high school - I was going to peek in real life.
Senior year, I really started to stand up for myself and those who couldn't speak out. I began participating in National Day of Silence and being pro-gay and a gay activist. At the end of senior year I discovered I was a nerdfighter and that I really was made of awesome and no one could tell me different. I had finally found a place where I belonged.
So it will get better. It did for me and it gets better everyday. Those feelings of lonelyness suck, but you just have to find something that makes you happy.
It will get better.
Today is awesome because I love wearing purple.
I'm listening to.... Life Support from RENT.