November 5th
Dear 13-Year-Old Kelly,
Oh, November 5th.
You know what sucks more than what will happen today?
This is an English holiday. It's a BIG English holiday. So not only will you always remember the darkness that comes with today, you'll always remember the day because it's a holiday! There will be tweets and facebook statuses... but I won't confuse you with things you don't understand yet.
I want you to do one thing today: breathe.
I'm going to breathe, too. Because that is the only you can keep doing.
The people who you thought were your best friends, who, you thought, loved you no matter what? They're going to stab you in the back today.
They know your fears. They know your hopes. Worse, they know who you like. And that is the worst possible thing a 13-year-old girl can know.
They are going to trick you into asking said crush out. They will tell you it *has* to be today. They will tell you he *will* say yes. They tell you everything you need to hear to ask him to be your boyfriend. It works.
You go to his locker after school and in front of most of the 8th grade class [who, you're pretty sure knows what's going on], you ask him to go out with you.
Then, one of the biggest shocks of your life, he says no.
Well, like any normal girl, you freeze. Fight or flight? It's Tuesday, you have Student Council - flight.
You say, "okay." and make your way through the crowd to the cafeteria. You don't care that you're *going* to be the first one there, you just need to get out. You don't cry, you're in shock.
Slowly, you begin to realize what happened. They tricked you. But it's okay. Because you didn't love him or anything, it was just a crush. You'll carry on.
What you don't understand, what breaks your heart, your body, your soul into a thousand pieces, is why your *best friends* did this to you. It was a joke. It was a cruel joke.
Some friends come into the cafeteria, claiming that the whole school saw me run off crying. No, you correct, you just needed to come to student council. You're not crying, except for a few tears shed, you're fine. You're perfectly fine.
You just don't understand.
And oh shit, where are you going to sit at lunch tomorrow?
All my love,
23-year-old Kelly
Monday, November 5, 2012
Saturday, October 27, 2012
[1]Dear 13-Year-Old-Kelly, You're Happy...
October 27th
Dear 13-Year-Old-Kelly,
You know what I love about you? How naive you are. You are so happy in your unknown innocence. And I love that.
You think you're becoming popular, and because of this, your confidence is growing. I am so happy for you that you think that.
You think a boy likes you. And that makes you smile. That makes you smile more than anything in the world.
You know you are smart. You do your homework right. You study. You get As, sometimes Bs. You like school.
You're undecided about what you want to do for the rest of your life, but you want to go to college. You want to learn.
I don't know what to tell you. Prepare yourself. Guard your heart. Guard your life. Guard your passion.
Don't forget who your friends are. Don't cut people off because you want to climb to the top. Don't sacrifice who you are to be someone else.
Try not to be jealous. Know when to vocalize your jealousy and when to keep your mouth shut.
Keep your eyes open.
All my love,
23-year-old Kelly
Dear 13-Year-Old-Kelly,
You know what I love about you? How naive you are. You are so happy in your unknown innocence. And I love that.
You think you're becoming popular, and because of this, your confidence is growing. I am so happy for you that you think that.
You think a boy likes you. And that makes you smile. That makes you smile more than anything in the world.
You know you are smart. You do your homework right. You study. You get As, sometimes Bs. You like school.
You're undecided about what you want to do for the rest of your life, but you want to go to college. You want to learn.
I don't know what to tell you. Prepare yourself. Guard your heart. Guard your life. Guard your passion.
Don't forget who your friends are. Don't cut people off because you want to climb to the top. Don't sacrifice who you are to be someone else.
Try not to be jealous. Know when to vocalize your jealousy and when to keep your mouth shut.
Keep your eyes open.
All my love,
23-year-old Kelly
Thursday, October 25, 2012
10 Years Later...
I hate the fall.
Seriously.
I didn't always hate the fall. Ten years ago this fall, I fell into (actualized?) my depression. There was one event that broke my heart in a thousand different ways. I was so sad, so unhappy, so insecure that depression took over. Being unhappy became my life. I lost trust. I lost hope. I lost faith. And then I decided that I wanted to kill myself.
My suicidal thoughts were my everything. I constantly thought about how, where and when I would. I thought about my funeral. I thought about what my ex-friends would say and the regret they would feel.
The friends who took me under their wing were my saviors. I didn't know it at the time, but I do know. I am so grateful they stuck by my side during that fall and through the winter. They continued to stay by my side through high school and I stood by their sides. Things may not have always been perfect, but during the fall of 2002, they were there. They were the only four people who I trusted and who I knew loved me.
I fell in love with Harry Potter that fall.
I fell in love with RENT and became immersed in theatre that winter.
Everything that I am passionate about was discovered that fall. I was truly shaped by that fall.
This is my introduction to my new blog series, Dear 13-Year-Old Kelly. On the tenth anniversary of certain events, I will be writing letters to my younger self. I want to recount what happened and try to explain to her that while everything sucks right now, it's going to get better and that she needs these events to become the person she is ten years later.
These events have really stuck with me and frankly, I need to get over them. They happened. I need to make peace with them and move on. This is me trying to move on.
So thank you for reading. And most importantly, thank you for being my friend.
Seriously.
I didn't always hate the fall. Ten years ago this fall, I fell into (actualized?) my depression. There was one event that broke my heart in a thousand different ways. I was so sad, so unhappy, so insecure that depression took over. Being unhappy became my life. I lost trust. I lost hope. I lost faith. And then I decided that I wanted to kill myself.
My suicidal thoughts were my everything. I constantly thought about how, where and when I would. I thought about my funeral. I thought about what my ex-friends would say and the regret they would feel.
The friends who took me under their wing were my saviors. I didn't know it at the time, but I do know. I am so grateful they stuck by my side during that fall and through the winter. They continued to stay by my side through high school and I stood by their sides. Things may not have always been perfect, but during the fall of 2002, they were there. They were the only four people who I trusted and who I knew loved me.
I fell in love with Harry Potter that fall.
I fell in love with RENT and became immersed in theatre that winter.
Everything that I am passionate about was discovered that fall. I was truly shaped by that fall.
This is my introduction to my new blog series, Dear 13-Year-Old Kelly. On the tenth anniversary of certain events, I will be writing letters to my younger self. I want to recount what happened and try to explain to her that while everything sucks right now, it's going to get better and that she needs these events to become the person she is ten years later.
These events have really stuck with me and frankly, I need to get over them. They happened. I need to make peace with them and move on. This is me trying to move on.
So thank you for reading. And most importantly, thank you for being my friend.
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
[Not] My First Day of School
In early September of 1992, I attended school for the first time. For the next twenty years, I continued that tradition. Like the rest of you, I went from pre-school to Kindergarten to elementary school to middle school to high school to college.
Today, I did not go to school.
To be honest with you all, it didn't even phase me. I didn't cry, I didn't mope, I didn't do anything, actually. I wished my friends a happy first day of school, but it didn't dawn on me that I was missing it until an hour ago.
For the past month, I've been saying that I was going to freak out. But actually, it's a little bit of a relief. I've been in school for TWENTY YEARS. That's a long time. The next three years of my schooling is going to be harder than those twenty years combined, so I'm not freaking out. I'm pretty relaxed. I'm happy to have this year off. I need it. I need to chill and work and write and read and blog. I need this.
Okay, I'M FREAKING OUT.
I like buying books and notebooks and organizing and going to class and taking notes and learning and checking out the guys and making new friends and procrastinating on twitter and tumblr and getting work done for other classes in a class and snow days and cancelled classes and fun professors. I like those things. And with most of my friends experiencing them, I feel like I'm missing out.
*sigh*
At least I can put my procrastination skills into applying to grad school.
Today, I did not go to school.
To be honest with you all, it didn't even phase me. I didn't cry, I didn't mope, I didn't do anything, actually. I wished my friends a happy first day of school, but it didn't dawn on me that I was missing it until an hour ago.
For the past month, I've been saying that I was going to freak out. But actually, it's a little bit of a relief. I've been in school for TWENTY YEARS. That's a long time. The next three years of my schooling is going to be harder than those twenty years combined, so I'm not freaking out. I'm pretty relaxed. I'm happy to have this year off. I need it. I need to chill and work and write and read and blog. I need this.
Okay, I'M FREAKING OUT.
I like buying books and notebooks and organizing and going to class and taking notes and learning and checking out the guys and making new friends and procrastinating on twitter and tumblr and getting work done for other classes in a class and snow days and cancelled classes and fun professors. I like those things. And with most of my friends experiencing them, I feel like I'm missing out.
*sigh*
At least I can put my procrastination skills into applying to grad school.
Wednesday, July 25, 2012
Best YA Books - EVER.
What a HARD question to ask a YA book lover. Pick your 10 best-ever YA books? Come on. I need at least 25.
Well, NPR is asking just that. And you can go vote here.
Since a big majority of my friends are YA lovers, we're obviously talking about this. Bailey posted her picks on her blog and I've decided to post mine here.
While Bailey asked herself what 10-book bundle she would give to a high school student, I asked myself what 10 books have stayed with me in my ten years of reading YA.
1. 13 Little Blue Envelopes, by Maureen Johnson
2. Annie on my Mind, by Nancy Garden
3. The Catcher in the Rye, by J. D. Salinger
4. Elsewhere, by Gabrielle Zevin
5. Go Ask Alice, by Anonymous
6. Looking for Alaska, by John Green*
7. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, by Stephen Chbosky*
8. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, by Ann Brashares
9. This Lullaby, by Sarah Dessen
10. Thirteen Reasons Why, by Jay Asher*
Books I Wish I Could Have Included:
Confessions of Georgia Nicolson, by Lousise Rennison
The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins
Make Lemonade, by Virginia Euwer Wolff
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, by David Levithan and Rachel Cohen
The Outsiders, by S.E. Hilton
The Princess Diaries, by Meg Cabot
Stargirl, by Jerry Spinelli
Books Not On the List That I Adore:
The Key to the Golden Firebird, by Maureen Johnson
Peeps, by Scott Westerfeld
Be More Chill, by Ned Vizzini
What My Mother Doesn't Know, by Sonya Sones
TTYL, by Lauren Myracle
Sean Griswold's Head, by Lindsey Leavitt
You'll probably notice that I left off Harry Potter. Not because I don't love it or because I don't think it's very important to read while you are a teenager, but because I don't see it as a YA book. There are actually many books that I don't see as a YA book that are on the list. I see these books as children's books or adult books.
Books That Should NOT Be on the NPR list:
Tuck Everlasting, by Natalie Babbitt
Harry Potter, by J.K. Rowling
My Sister's Keeper, by Jodi Picolt
The Lord of the Rings, by JRR Tolkien
The Hobbitt, by J.R.R. Tolkien
Okay. That's enough lists for now. What did you all pick?
Well, NPR is asking just that. And you can go vote here.
Since a big majority of my friends are YA lovers, we're obviously talking about this. Bailey posted her picks on her blog and I've decided to post mine here.
While Bailey asked herself what 10-book bundle she would give to a high school student, I asked myself what 10 books have stayed with me in my ten years of reading YA.
1. 13 Little Blue Envelopes, by Maureen Johnson
2. Annie on my Mind, by Nancy Garden
3. The Catcher in the Rye, by J. D. Salinger
4. Elsewhere, by Gabrielle Zevin
5. Go Ask Alice, by Anonymous
6. Looking for Alaska, by John Green*
7. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, by Stephen Chbosky*
8. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, by Ann Brashares
9. This Lullaby, by Sarah Dessen
10. Thirteen Reasons Why, by Jay Asher*
Books I Wish I Could Have Included:
Confessions of Georgia Nicolson, by Lousise Rennison
The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins
Make Lemonade, by Virginia Euwer Wolff
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, by David Levithan and Rachel Cohen
The Outsiders, by S.E. Hilton
The Princess Diaries, by Meg Cabot
Stargirl, by Jerry Spinelli
Books Not On the List That I Adore:
The Key to the Golden Firebird, by Maureen Johnson
Peeps, by Scott Westerfeld
Be More Chill, by Ned Vizzini
What My Mother Doesn't Know, by Sonya Sones
TTYL, by Lauren Myracle
Sean Griswold's Head, by Lindsey Leavitt
You'll probably notice that I left off Harry Potter. Not because I don't love it or because I don't think it's very important to read while you are a teenager, but because I don't see it as a YA book. There are actually many books that I don't see as a YA book that are on the list. I see these books as children's books or adult books.
Books That Should NOT Be on the NPR list:
Tuck Everlasting, by Natalie Babbitt
Harry Potter, by J.K. Rowling
My Sister's Keeper, by Jodi Picolt
The Lord of the Rings, by JRR Tolkien
The Hobbitt, by J.R.R. Tolkien
Okay. That's enough lists for now. What did you all pick?
Monday, June 4, 2012
Raindrops in My Ketchup: A #twinantics Story
HELLO.
GUESS WHAT?
MY TWIN IS HERE.
If you follow me on twitter, you know I have a twin. Laura. You can find her here.
SO. She is with me this week for BEA. Except we did not BEA today. We were TOURISTS today.
My ORIGINAL plan was to take her to Central Park first thing in the AM while it was only slightly warm and not super warm. Then it rained. and it didn't just rain; it RAINED.
So that went out the window.
Instead, we went to the NYPL and looked around and I had Find the Future flashbacks and all was well. Then, since we were so close to Times Square, we went there. By now the rain wasn't so bad, but it was still raining. This was awesome because it was not full of tourists. Then we walked down to Madison Square Park and SHAKE SHACK.
Some backstory: when I asked my twin what she wanted to do in NYC, she didn't say the Statue of Liberty or Central Park or any NORMAL tourist attractions. She asked to see The Strand and eat at Shake Shack. This is why I love my twin.
So we go to Shake Shack, where there is normally a HUGE line. Today, due to rain, there is NO line. We order or shakes and our food and go to sit on a WET bench in the park. Then Laura says to put down the bags our umbrellas were in to keep our butts dry. How smart is my twin? So we're eating and Laura is scaring the feral squirrels with her quirky umbrella when the rain starts to really get going. Then a raindrop DROPED INTO MY KETCHUP. Needless to say, NYC rain is not always CLEAN so I was not PLEASED. This is when I opened my umbrella and held it over us as we ate in the rain. I do wish there was I picture of this. It was adorable.
After that, I took Laura down into the Subway for the first time and we saw The Strand and I got HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE - FIRST EDITION and she went into the rare book room and smelled the amazing rare books and then took a picture of me loving my new Harry book.
I will never get tired of buying and owning Harry Potter books. EVER.
Thankfully, the rain finally stopped and we got coffee at starbucks and took the subway crazy places getting slightly misplaced around the east side until we ate Maureen Johnson's favourite cupcakes.
On our way downtown to go back to Jersey, we were STOPPED. Why? Oh, 'cause Obama is in town and his motorcade was passing through. Twin has officially experienced my rockstar life. These things just HAPPEN to me. and now she knows. I don't plan them.
But now my computer is freaking out that I have worked it for an hour and I am going to go to bed and not sleep because it is nearly my birthday and BEA.
=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
GUESS WHAT?
MY TWIN IS HERE.
If you follow me on twitter, you know I have a twin. Laura. You can find her here.
SO. She is with me this week for BEA. Except we did not BEA today. We were TOURISTS today.
My ORIGINAL plan was to take her to Central Park first thing in the AM while it was only slightly warm and not super warm. Then it rained. and it didn't just rain; it RAINED.
So that went out the window.
Instead, we went to the NYPL and looked around and I had Find the Future flashbacks and all was well. Then, since we were so close to Times Square, we went there. By now the rain wasn't so bad, but it was still raining. This was awesome because it was not full of tourists. Then we walked down to Madison Square Park and SHAKE SHACK.
Some backstory: when I asked my twin what she wanted to do in NYC, she didn't say the Statue of Liberty or Central Park or any NORMAL tourist attractions. She asked to see The Strand and eat at Shake Shack. This is why I love my twin.
So we go to Shake Shack, where there is normally a HUGE line. Today, due to rain, there is NO line. We order or shakes and our food and go to sit on a WET bench in the park. Then Laura says to put down the bags our umbrellas were in to keep our butts dry. How smart is my twin? So we're eating and Laura is scaring the feral squirrels with her quirky umbrella when the rain starts to really get going. Then a raindrop DROPED INTO MY KETCHUP. Needless to say, NYC rain is not always CLEAN so I was not PLEASED. This is when I opened my umbrella and held it over us as we ate in the rain. I do wish there was I picture of this. It was adorable.
After that, I took Laura down into the Subway for the first time and we saw The Strand and I got HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE - FIRST EDITION and she went into the rare book room and smelled the amazing rare books and then took a picture of me loving my new Harry book.
I will never get tired of buying and owning Harry Potter books. EVER.
Thankfully, the rain finally stopped and we got coffee at starbucks and took the subway crazy places getting slightly misplaced around the east side until we ate Maureen Johnson's favourite cupcakes.
On our way downtown to go back to Jersey, we were STOPPED. Why? Oh, 'cause Obama is in town and his motorcade was passing through. Twin has officially experienced my rockstar life. These things just HAPPEN to me. and now she knows. I don't plan them.
But now my computer is freaking out that I have worked it for an hour and I am going to go to bed and not sleep because it is nearly my birthday and BEA.
=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Lucky 7... and #ohheycharlie
I got tagged. Twice.
By the amazing Kenzie Audacious and the lovely Sarrah Kaliski.
1. Go to page 7 or 77 in your current manuscript.
2. Go to line 7.
3. Post on your blog the next 7 lines or sentences - as they are.
4. Tag 7 other people to do the same.
NOW. I only have 6 pages. So we're going to take the 7th paragraph on the 3rd page from...
*drumroll*
#OHHEYCHARLIE!
#OhHeyCharlie is about a boy [Charlie] who meets a girl. She's awesome. Then his best friend [the girl he's loved for six years] tells him that she loves him. Dilemma? I think yes.
“Do you know Derek?” She asked, turning to my stunned roommate.
FIN!
UNFORTUNATELY, this bit will never be in the final version. Mostly because I am taking the whole Doctor Who thing out. So you know. You guys get to read it, still.
I AM TAGGING Laura, my twin, Brianna, my childhood friend and the amazing Lynn Weingarten, because I want more SSH.
UNTIL NEXT TIME.
Keep smiling.
=D
By the amazing Kenzie Audacious and the lovely Sarrah Kaliski.
1. Go to page 7 or 77 in your current manuscript.
2. Go to line 7.
3. Post on your blog the next 7 lines or sentences - as they are.
4. Tag 7 other people to do the same.
NOW. I only have 6 pages. So we're going to take the 7th paragraph on the 3rd page from...
*drumroll*
#OHHEYCHARLIE!
#OhHeyCharlie is about a boy [Charlie] who meets a girl. She's awesome. Then his best friend [the girl he's loved for six years] tells him that she loves him. Dilemma? I think yes.
“Do you know Derek?” She asked, turning to my stunned roommate.
“I
do. I told you someone would know who I was.” Amy-Pond-look-a-like contorted her face in question.
“I
adore Doctor Who.” She placed a hand to her heart, “Main reason I’m Amy Pond is because I love it and the Doctor
and I knew only awesome people would know who I am. Derek said he recognized me
from somewhere.”
““Let’s
Kill Hitler.”” I automatically responded. It was one of my favorite episodes
from the fifth season and this brilliant beauty had done a great job. She was even wearing an A necklace. She blinked a few times quickly.
I shrugged. “I try.”
Derek fidgeted. I could tell he was getting annoyed. I can’t break guy
code, even if I want to. Without saying goodbye, I walked away. Leave them always wanting more. And if this
girl was anything like the real Amy, she’d find me soon enough.
FIN!
UNFORTUNATELY, this bit will never be in the final version. Mostly because I am taking the whole Doctor Who thing out. So you know. You guys get to read it, still.
I AM TAGGING Laura, my twin, Brianna, my childhood friend and the amazing Lynn Weingarten, because I want more SSH.
UNTIL NEXT TIME.
Keep smiling.
=D
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