I'm back....maybe

So a lot has gone in my life in the last THREE years that I haven't blogged.

1. I got into grad school.
2. I have made friends in my area!
3. I am STILL with the boy I discussed in my last blog post.

Graduate school is the number one reason I have not blogged.

That's a lie.

Graduate school is the number one reason why I have not had much of a life in the last two years. I spend so much of my time thinking about graduate school and I feel so sad that I didn't blog more. I would love to have journaled this time in my life when my life was more hectic.

Which leads me to a semi-announcement:

I have applied for MORE grad school.

I know. I'm crazy.

But hopefully, this will help me with a real career instead of just taking up so much of my time without any real purpose.

But if I'm lucky enough to get into another program, I *plan* on blogging that experience. I say plan, because I know how hectic grad school is. I originally wrote "will," but I can't make that kind of promise when I know I'll be so busy.

This is all just to tell you that I've missed blogging and I really want to do it more and share my life with my friends.

So I'm back.

Maybe.

We'll see how much I need to rant about my thesis.

3 Months... and Counting

Last week, my boyfriend and I hit three months of being together. 

The weekend marked four months since he first kissed me. 

I have only been with someone for three months once before E. And that relationship ended shortly ended after the three month mark. This is the longest I have ever been with the same person. 

Basically, I'm seriously heading into new territory. 

That first relationship, which lasted three and half months, was childish and high school. While I loved it, it was very frustrating to be with that person, even though I adored him and he cared for me greatly. He was my hero when I needed him and I am grateful for that. I may not be alive today without him in my life then. In the end, we were better friends and we still are friends. 

That was five and a half years ago. 

I've changed a lot since that relationship. I've grown up, experienced a lot of things and dated more people than I'd like to admit. 

Since that relationship, my love life was either non-existant, or I was dating, but no one wanted to settle into a relationship with me. 

Three years ago, I thought I found it - my person, "the one." He was the first person to date me who automatically accepted me for who I was. In fact, he loved that I was nerdy - and he told me this frequently. I was in new territory with him, and I loved every minute of it. Never before had someone adored me, cared for me, and protected me like he did. It was a perfect English boy/American girl romance. Unfortunately, leaving England was a deal breaker. We parted ways and... I wish we hadn't. To this day, he does not even talk to me. 

Late Summer of 2011, we did reconnect and picked up where we left off - 3,500 miles apart. Not only did we pick up, but we got deep, and fast. I thought, again, that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. 

The first time we were together, it was only for six weeks. The second time was a little longer, two and a half months, but I just knew. He was still it for me. 

Then he broke my heart. 

He broke my heart so much that I stopped believing in love. I grew to accept that I was destined to be alone forever, and I was okay with that. 

I was okay with that for a while, but loneliness happens. 

Just as I was starting to get back into dating, I met my E. 

Basically, I'm one of the luckiest girls in the world. He's accepted me for who I am, fangirl, slightly insane person and all. 

Now that we've hit three months, we're getting into territory I've never hit before. My English boy and I skipped everything that I'm experiencing with E. I feel so lucky because he works WITH me on everything that happens in our relationship. I haven't just found someone to adore and care about, but I've found a partner. 

When I was getting lonely, I told my friends that I didn't just want a boyfriend, I wanted a companion. I've found this with E. I've found someone to watch TV with and go out to dinner with. I've found someone I can talk to about anything. He lives locally, which is something I've always had an issue with. My more serious dating ex's were always long distance. Again, new territory. I love that I get to see E twice a week. I love that I *could* see him every day if I wanted to. I love that I can [and do] text him whenever I want, about whatever I want. 

Not gonna lie, I love texting him the RANDOMEST things I can think of. And he's still with me. 

I swear, I'm borderline psycho, but he's gotta be borderline psycho as well to deal with me. 

He doesn't just deal with me, he's dealt with me, willingly, for the past FOUR months. 

I am seriously the luckiest girl in the world to have him. 

I'm excited [and let's face it, terrified] to experience the next chapter in our relationship. I know as we hit certain milestones, he'll be there for me, working with me to develop this relationship. I don't think I've ever been this happy in my life. 

It's truly an amazing thing to have a partner. Truly, truly amazing. 

The Office: How I Fell in Love with a TV Show

Eight years ago, I had a crush on the CUTEST guy in high school.

I found out his favorite show was The Office and couldn't believe it. This kid was super smart. How could he like a dumb show?

Then, in the fall of 2008, I left my TV on and The Office came on [I believe TBS, but how it was syndicated in 2008, I have no idea.] and I watched The Fire. I thought I'd see why he loved this show so much.

I could not believe how good it was. It was smart. It was funny.

Most importantly, it made me LAUGH. It is VERY rare to make laugh at a TV show. I have a unique sense of humor and most shows don't truly capture that. The Office does.

I remember sitting on the edge of my bed, falling in love with a TV show. I started watching The Office that night. And I haven't stopped watching.

Since falling in love with it, with Jim and Pam, with Michael Scott, with Andy, with the writing, with Thursdays at 9pm, it's been a HUGE part of my life. I bought the season DVDs. I watched them more times than I can count. I still watch them. I still laugh.

I'm still in love.

Falling in love is easy, it's staying in love that's the hard part. 

Tonight, at 9pm, I watched The Office live for the final time.

I was scared about Jim and Pam. I was happy to see Michael Scott. I laughed. I cried. I was genuinely happy for Andy for finding a dream job... then realizing that he just left his dream job.

The writing of The Office this season has been fantastic. They did SUCH an excellent job of wrapping up the season and their stories without forgetting the drama, the laughs or the love - or that Dwight should finally be the manager of Dunder Mifflin.

I could not have asked for a better series finale. So many of my shows get cancelled before they can actually shoot a series finale and I am quite grateful we knew the end of coming.

Before this season, I was ready to see it go. Season 8 was.. terrible. But they came back last fall knowing it was the end. I was like a kid on Christmas Eve every Thursday and I couldn't wait to wake up Friday morning and watch The Office. I fell in love with The Office all over again this season.

I love these characters. I love the stories. I love Michael and Pam and Jim and Dwight and everyone.

Tonight, Pam asked the Doc makers, "How did you do it? How did you capture it?"

I don't think they planned it. I don't think the BBC or Ricky Gervais planned for this American adaptation to explode and take on a life of it's own the way it did.

"The ordinary is beautiful." Pam says, about their doc. I agree Pam. You think it's about an office, an office that sells PAPER. But it's not about the office or the paper - it's about The People, ordinary people who have regular lives: affairs, lost love, drama, heartache, romance, marital problems, laughs, tears, ups, downs, deaths, weddings... it's life, capture by a camera.

Thank you, Ricky Gervais. Thank you, BBC. Thank you, Steve Carell. Thank you, NBC.

People Change.

That moment when one of your best friends gets a boyfriend/girlfriend and... doesn't tell you about it.

Why do people do that?

It seriously bothers me.

I can't even count how many times this has happened to me.

And it hurts me.

Seriously.

The ONE thing I made sure not to do when I got a boyfriend was disappear from my friend's lives.

I still make sure I do this, actually. Because I don't want to alienate them if I ever lose my amazing boyfriend.

Anyway, when my friends get a boyfriend/girlfriend, it hurts when they don't tell me.

It hurts even more when you used to be in love with that person and you're actually really happy that they found someone to be with.

People change.

People get a boyfriend/girlfriend and they become consumed with them so much that they, apparently, can't even send a text message.

That annoys me.

That hurts me.

People don't just change. People always leave.

I should really know this by now.

Writing Woes: Amateurs

Last fall, I worked. A lot. I was pulling 40 hour weeks for the first time in my life.

You know what I learned?

Being on your feet for 40 hours a week is REALLY tiring.

Basically, I slept between work. Constantly. I didn't have a life and I didn't write. I didn't apply for grad school. I didn't do anything I wanted to do.

Except paid bills. I liked those paychecks.

So I decided I needed to focus. And school was focusing.

I would take a writing class.

While I don't see it as a mistake, I don't think I should have taken a 200 level writing course at my community college.

These kids are amateurs.

So amateur that I only receive really good comments from my professor and one other guy in the class who is taking this as seriously as I am.

Point:
I really miss Bailey being my editor.

Dating 103: The First Date

Congratulations! You found someone who you like, you've smitten them, and now you two are going out together. 

First dates are one of the most nerve-wracking dates you will EVER go on. Really. This is one of the first times you two will spend together learning about each other. It's nerve-wracking; you're not 100% sure about the other person's feelings for you and you're not even sure about your feelings for them. 

Because of the nerves you will most likely feel, you need to make yourself as calm and comfortable as possible. 

Where to go? If they ask you where you want to go, tell them a restaurant you'll know you'll like, or an activity you enjoy. Again, you want to be as comfortable as possible.

What to wear? I’m going to become repetitive with this. Dress comfortably. Jeans and t-shirt. A dress you feel and look great in. Don’t overdress, but also don’t underdress. Don’t wear anything that shows too much skin (personally. There’s enough time for that). An old friend once told me that you should only accent ONE good part of your body on the first date. Meaning, wear a v-neck shirt to show some cleavage OR a short-ish skirt to show off some leg. Don’t do both. This date is about getting to know each other – NOT trying to get into each other pants. Theoretically.

What to talk about? Think about the things that make a person a person. What kind of music do they like? What kind of movies do they watch? What was the last book they read? What’s on their TBR list? Where do they work? What did they do at work today/this week? Ask them about their family, their friends. Ask them about where they’ve travelled to or where they would like to travel. AVOID hostile topics like politics and don’t pry if they say they have a bad relationship with their parents/siblings. Theoretically, the conversation should flow naturally, but think back to these types of questions if there’s a lull in conversation.

Just remember one thing when you go on your first date with someone: you are beautiful. You are amazing. And the right person will see that. You will click with the right person. This is why we date, to find the person we click with and enjoy spending time with.

First dates normally suck. I’m not kidding. I have had more bad first dates than good first dates. But every once in a while, you find someone who you can talk to and who you enjoy spending time with. Just remember that that person is out there, and that you will survive all the bad dates in the world.

ALSO. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT: If you don’t actually know the person (blind date/met online), meet at the place you are having the first date. The getaway car is extremely important.

And don’t forget to keep smiling. =D

Inspiration Woes

I love to write. Really.

I love sitting at my computer and seeing my fingers dance along the keyboard as the words in my head appear on the screen.

Holy crap, that was poetic.

But really, though. It's magical when the ideas and stories you create in your head become real on a page. When you can read it and still see the stories in your head as you first imagined them.

Sometimes, the words don't always fall out as easily as I want.

Inspiration woes.

Normally, when this happens, I try to just carry on. Just keep typing until I see what I want or until I what I want just magically comes out of my head.

Sometimes, I go for a walk.

Actually, that never happens. Who goes for a walk?

Sometimes, I take a shower. That works.

Sometimes, I just don't write.

Sometimes, I tweet.

Or listen to Pandora.

Or play some stupid facebook game.

There is nothing so fulfilling as beating a hard level of Candy Crush Saga.


It's always good to distract yourself. Let the story brew in your head before you sit down to your paper or computer.



I can talk about finding inspiration for hours.

But I really should just write instead.

BEDA 2013

Oh hey.

Last week sucked.

But I decided that I was GOING to Blog Everyday in April.

Because.

Thank GOODNESS I decided that. Because the drama in my life has gone from a 2 to an 11* overnight. I honestly never thought this would ever happen.

You get to a point in your life when drama isn't worth it anymore. So you stop it. A lot of drama is self-made. And I did that. I began swallowing my pride and apologizing for my actions or being an adult and talking out my problems instead of bottling them up.

I'm 23 years old. I'm not in high school anymore and I don't want to go back.

Hell, I'm not even in college anymore.

If I don't (try) to grow up now, when will I?

But some drama creeps in no matter what you do.

This is drama I could not have prevented.

But I am swallowing my pride and being a grown up and a good person who respects the people in her life.

The drama has settled.


For now.


So let's try BEDA again. What is it, year four? Year 5? I have never succeeded or done as well as I did that first year. But structure, organization, and some themes are going to help me blog every day.

And my amazing boyfriend, E, knows about and will probably ask me if I blogged. That's always good motivation.






* *giggles to self for an hour*

The Steps to Loving

Everyone falls in love.

Really. It's part of our psychological make up. We fall in love with things, books, films and people.

Like everything else in life, there's steps to falling in love. There's attraction, infatuation, trust, and finally love.

Attraction comes easily. Almost too easily. It's a part of our every day lives. We see tons of different people, watch trailers, read summaries for new books.

Infatuation is a little harder, but also quite easy. We continue to see one particular person, knowing more about them every minute. We see more trailers, read the first few chapters of a book. We start to like this new thing in our life and we want more and more of it.

Trust is the hard part. The hardest part. Trust is where things get tricky. Trust can take months, even years. How do you know that you can, especially when it comes to infatuation with a person, trust that person to hold your heart and not tear it apart?

At the end of the day, you just have to. You get to a point where you know the person enough to know they won't hurt you.

This is where I get personal. I have the most incredible friends in the whole world. This has caused me to trust easier than the average person. Almost too easily. And when I trust someone with my heart, I end up getting hurt. The harder I fall in love, the harder I fall apart. You'd think that after the first heartbreak, I'd be more careful, but it was the opposite. I fell harder and faster than the time before. Which means I was hurt more each time my heart was broken.

I don't just have a heartache, but I fall apart. My heart breaks, my mind numbs and my soul is torn into pieces. This has not just happened once, not twice, but three times.

Last year, I met someone who I thought was my soul mate. I wanted to be with him for the rest of my life. He was my companion, my best friend, my lover, my everything. I trusted him. I trusted him too quickly and too much.

He, as the pattern shows, hurt me. He hurt me a lot. He hurt me to the point where I didn't want to be anymore.

I've always picked up the pieces of my life and put them back together. Always. But he hurt me so much that I couldn't pick up the pieces myself. I needed my friends and my family. There were so many pieces, that I am STILL picking them up twelve months later.

But I am picking them up. About eight months ago, I started picking them up and moving on.

Keep calm and carry on, right?

Except, I am at the point where I am infatuated again and I need to start trusting. This is what brings me to write. I need to trust again in order to find love.

Every time I think about trusting, I feel the pain all over again. I never realized before this month how much my Doctor truly hurt me. The pain is still there.

*sigh*

I know I can do this. I have to do this. You have to trust.

Because trust leads to the most powerful, amazing thing in the world...

Love.

Finding love again, makes all the lies, the tears, the crushed hopes and dreams, the hurt and the pain worth it.

[2]Dear 13-Year-Old Kelly, This is the Worst Day of Your Life

November 5th


Dear 13-Year-Old Kelly,

Oh, November 5th.

You know what sucks more than what will happen today?

This is an English holiday. It's a BIG English holiday. So not only will you always remember the darkness that comes with today, you'll always remember the day because it's a holiday! There will be tweets and facebook statuses... but I won't confuse you with things you don't understand yet.

I want you to do one thing today: breathe.

I'm going to breathe, too. Because that is the only you can keep doing.

The people who you thought were your best friends, who, you thought, loved you no matter what? They're going to stab you in the back today.

They know your fears. They know your hopes. Worse, they know who you like. And that is the worst possible thing a 13-year-old girl can know.

They are going to trick you into asking said crush out. They will tell you it *has* to be today. They will tell you he *will* say yes. They tell you everything you need to hear to ask him to be your boyfriend. It works.

You go to his locker after school and in front of most of the 8th grade class [who, you're pretty sure knows what's going on], you ask him to go out with you.

Then, one of the biggest shocks of your life, he says no.

Well, like any normal girl, you freeze. Fight or flight? It's Tuesday, you have Student Council - flight.

You say, "okay." and make your way through the crowd to the cafeteria. You don't care that you're *going* to be the first one there, you just need to get out. You don't cry, you're in shock.

Slowly, you begin to realize what happened. They tricked you. But it's okay. Because you didn't love him or anything, it was just a crush. You'll carry on.

What you don't understand, what breaks your heart, your body, your soul into a thousand pieces, is why your *best friends* did this to you. It was a joke. It was a cruel joke.

Some friends come into the cafeteria, claiming that the whole school saw me run off crying. No, you correct, you just needed to come to student council. You're not crying, except for a few tears shed, you're fine. You're perfectly fine.

You just don't understand.

And oh shit, where are you going to sit at lunch tomorrow?


All my love,
23-year-old Kelly

[1]Dear 13-Year-Old-Kelly, You're Happy...

October 27th

Dear 13-Year-Old-Kelly,

You know what I love about you? How naive you are. You are so happy in your unknown innocence. And I love that.

You think you're becoming popular, and because of this, your confidence is growing. I am so happy for you that you think that.

You think a boy likes you. And that makes you smile. That makes you smile more than anything in the world.

You know you are smart. You do your homework right. You study. You get As, sometimes Bs. You like school.

You're undecided about what you want to do for the rest of your life, but you want to go to college. You want to learn.


I don't know what to tell you. Prepare yourself. Guard your heart. Guard your life. Guard your passion.

Don't forget who your friends are. Don't cut people off because you want to climb to the top. Don't sacrifice who you are to be someone else.

Try not to be jealous. Know when to vocalize your jealousy and when to keep your mouth shut.

Keep your eyes open.


All my love,
23-year-old Kelly

10 Years Later...

I hate the fall.

Seriously.

I didn't always hate the fall. Ten years ago this fall, I fell into (actualized?) my depression. There was one event that broke my heart in a thousand different ways. I was so sad, so unhappy, so insecure that depression took over. Being unhappy became my life. I lost trust. I lost hope. I lost faith. And then I decided that I wanted to kill myself.

My suicidal thoughts were my everything. I constantly thought about how, where and when I would. I thought about my funeral. I thought about what my ex-friends would say and the regret they would feel.

The friends who took me under their wing were my saviors. I didn't know it at the time, but I do know. I am so grateful they stuck by my side during that fall and through the winter. They continued to stay by my side through high school and I stood by their sides. Things may not have always been perfect, but during the fall of 2002, they were there. They were the only four people who I trusted and who I knew loved me.

I fell in love with Harry Potter that fall.

I fell in love with RENT and became immersed in theatre that winter.

Everything that I am passionate about was discovered that fall. I was truly shaped by that fall.

This is my introduction to my new blog series, Dear 13-Year-Old Kelly. On the tenth anniversary of certain events, I will be writing letters to my younger self. I want to recount what happened and try to explain to her that while everything sucks right now, it's going to get better and that she needs these events to become the person she is ten years later.

These events have really stuck with me and frankly, I need to get over them. They happened. I need to make peace with them and move on. This is me trying to move on.

So thank you for reading. And most importantly, thank you for being my friend.

[Not] My First Day of School

In early September of 1992, I attended school for the first time. For the next twenty years, I continued that tradition. Like the rest of you, I went from pre-school to Kindergarten to elementary school to middle school to high school to college.

Today, I did not go to school.

To be honest with you all, it didn't even phase me. I didn't cry, I didn't mope, I didn't do anything, actually. I wished my friends a happy first day of school, but it didn't dawn on me that I was missing it until an hour ago.

For the past month, I've been saying that I was going to freak out. But actually, it's a little bit of a relief. I've been in school for TWENTY YEARS. That's a long time. The next three years of my schooling is going to be harder than those twenty years combined, so I'm not freaking out. I'm pretty relaxed. I'm happy to have this year off. I need it. I need to chill and work and write and read and blog. I need this.

Okay, I'M FREAKING OUT.

I like buying books and notebooks and organizing and going to class and taking notes and learning and checking out the guys and making new friends and procrastinating on twitter and tumblr and getting work done for other classes in a class and snow days and cancelled classes and fun professors. I like those things. And with most of my friends experiencing them, I feel like I'm missing out.

*sigh*

At least I can put my procrastination skills into applying to grad school.

Best YA Books - EVER.

What a HARD question to ask a YA book lover. Pick your 10 best-ever YA books? Come on. I need at least 25.

Well, NPR is asking just that. And you can go vote here.

Since a big majority of my friends are YA lovers, we're obviously talking about this. Bailey posted her picks on her blog and I've decided to post mine here.

While Bailey asked herself what 10-book bundle she would give to a high school student, I asked myself what 10 books have stayed with me in my ten years of reading YA.

1. 13 Little Blue Envelopes, by Maureen Johnson
2. Annie on my Mind, by Nancy Garden
3. The Catcher in the Rye, by J. D. Salinger
4. Elsewhere, by Gabrielle Zevin
5. Go Ask Alice, by Anonymous
6. Looking for Alaska, by John Green*
7. The Perks of Being a Wallflower, by Stephen Chbosky*
8. The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants, by Ann Brashares
9. This Lullaby, by Sarah Dessen
10. Thirteen Reasons Why, by Jay Asher*



Books I Wish I Could Have Included: 
Confessions of Georgia Nicolson, by Lousise Rennison
The Hunger Games, by Suzanne Collins
Make Lemonade, by Virginia Euwer Wolff
Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, by David Levithan and Rachel Cohen
The Outsiders, by S.E. Hilton
The Princess Diaries, by Meg Cabot
Stargirl, by Jerry Spinelli



Books Not On the List That I Adore: 
The Key to the Golden Firebird, by Maureen Johnson
Peeps, by Scott Westerfeld
Be More Chill, by Ned Vizzini
What My Mother Doesn't Know, by Sonya Sones
TTYL, by Lauren Myracle
Sean Griswold's Head, by Lindsey Leavitt


You'll probably notice that I left off Harry Potter. Not because I don't love it or because I don't think it's very important to read while you are a teenager, but because I don't see it as a YA book. There are actually many books that I don't see as a YA book that are on the list. I see these books as children's books or adult books. 
Books That Should NOT Be on the NPR list: 
Tuck Everlasting, by Natalie Babbitt
Harry Potter, by J.K. Rowling
My Sister's Keeper, by Jodi Picolt
The Lord of the Rings, by JRR Tolkien
The Hobbitt, by J.R.R. Tolkien 



Okay. That's enough lists for now. What did you all pick? 

Raindrops in My Ketchup: A #twinantics Story

HELLO.

GUESS WHAT?

MY TWIN IS HERE.

If you follow me on twitter, you know I have a twin. Laura. You can find her here.

SO. She is with me this week for BEA. Except we did not BEA today. We were TOURISTS today.

My ORIGINAL plan was to take her to Central Park first thing in the AM while it was only slightly warm and not super warm. Then it rained. and it didn't just rain; it RAINED.

So that went out the window.

Instead, we went to the NYPL and looked around and I had Find the Future flashbacks and all was well. Then, since we were so close to Times Square, we went there. By now the rain wasn't so bad, but it was still raining. This was awesome because it was not full of tourists. Then we walked down to Madison Square Park and SHAKE SHACK.

Some backstory: when I asked my twin what she wanted to do in NYC, she didn't say the Statue of Liberty or Central Park or any NORMAL tourist attractions. She asked to see The Strand and eat at Shake Shack. This is why I love my twin.

So we go to Shake Shack, where there is normally a HUGE line. Today, due to rain, there is NO line. We order or shakes and our food and go to sit on a WET bench in the park. Then Laura says to put down the bags our umbrellas were in to keep our butts dry. How smart is my twin? So we're eating and Laura is scaring the feral squirrels with her quirky umbrella when the rain starts to really get going. Then a raindrop DROPED INTO MY KETCHUP. Needless to say, NYC rain is not always CLEAN so I was not PLEASED. This is when I opened my umbrella and held it over us as we ate in the rain. I do wish there was I picture of this. It was adorable.

After that, I took Laura down into the Subway for the first time and we saw The Strand and I got HARRY POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S STONE - FIRST EDITION and she went into the rare book room and smelled the amazing rare books and then took a picture of me loving my new Harry book.

I will never get tired of buying and owning Harry Potter books. EVER.

Thankfully, the rain finally stopped and we got coffee at starbucks and took the subway crazy places getting slightly misplaced around the east side until we ate Maureen Johnson's favourite cupcakes.

On our way downtown to go back to Jersey, we were STOPPED. Why? Oh, 'cause Obama is in town and his motorcade was passing through. Twin has officially experienced my rockstar life. These things just HAPPEN to me. and now she knows. I don't plan them.

But now my computer is freaking out that I have worked it for an hour and I am going to go to bed and not sleep because it is nearly my birthday and BEA.




=DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Lucky 7... and #ohheycharlie

I got tagged. Twice.

By the amazing Kenzie Audacious and the lovely Sarrah Kaliski.

1. Go to page 7 or 77 in your current manuscript.
2. Go to line 7.
3. Post on your blog the next 7 lines or sentences - as they are.
4. Tag 7 other people to do the same.

NOW. I only have 6 pages. So we're going to take the 7th paragraph on the 3rd page from...

*drumroll*

#OHHEYCHARLIE!

#OhHeyCharlie is about a boy [Charlie] who meets a girl. She's awesome. Then his best friend [the girl he's loved for six years] tells him that she loves him. Dilemma? I think yes.


   “Do you know Derek?” She asked, turning to my stunned roommate.

   “I do. I told you someone would know who I was.” Amy-Pond-look-a-like contorted her face in question.

    “I adore Doctor Who.” She placed a hand to her heart, “Main reason I’m Amy Pond is because I love it and the Doctor and I knew only awesome people would know who I am. Derek said he recognized me from somewhere.”

    ““Let’s Kill Hitler.”” I automatically responded. It was one of my favorite episodes from the fifth season and this brilliant beauty had done a great job.  She was even wearing an A necklace. She blinked a few times quickly.

     “You know your Who."

      I shrugged. “I try.” 

      Derek fidgeted. I could tell he was getting annoyed. I can’t break guy code, even if I want to. Without saying goodbye, I walked away. Leave them always wanting more. And if this girl was anything like the real Amy, she’d find me soon enough.

FIN!

UNFORTUNATELY, this bit will never be in the final version. Mostly because I am taking the whole Doctor Who thing out. So you know. You guys get to read it, still.

I AM TAGGING Laura, my twin, Brianna, my childhood friend and the amazing Lynn Weingarten, because I want more SSH.

UNTIL NEXT TIME.

Keep smiling.

=D

BEDA11: Moment of Weakness

If you're reading this, you got the link from my twitter, most likely.

And if you know me, or have known me since last November, you know the DRAMA that went on in my life for so long. There's ups, downs and all sorts of crazy moments in that story*.

When it all came to the climax**, I had a ROUGH week. It was.... not fun. One of the worst weeks in the past ten years.

But then, I got up. If you stare at "NO DAY BUT TODAY" long enough***, it becomes seared in your brain.

At first, it made me cry. I didn't want a today.

Then it made me cry because I was letting Jonathan down. He would not approve of my state.

Then I watched a Vlogbrothers video. And I remembered something I should, never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever**** forget:

I AM MADE OF AWESOME.

I am not just awesome, but MADE of awesome. My blood is super-duper*****, this is how I know.

Then the clarity came. I was in such a SUCKY mood because my life was surrounded by people who SUCK. So delete the suck. It was almost TOO easy. I delete my facebook. When I wanted to stalk, I remembered the suck and did something awesome instead.

Slowly, life got better. I met a boy. I was smiling. I was watching Doctor Who.

Last night, I was weak. After two months, I did something I am not proud of.

But it's okay.

Then my Darren came on the screen and all was better because I love him and he loves me and I am going to have a KICK ASS spring and summer and fall will be glorious and there will be lots of writing and reading and friends and for the first time in a long time because I know what the future holds even the present is not what I want it to be:

I love my life.






*#ohheyCharlie
**which is ironically, the end of the story
***this has been painted onto the wall by my bed, for all the reasons that comes after that line.
****I would say "ever" forever if I could. Because.
*****I have a rare blood type and last time I gave, it went to a little baby girl because of my pallets or some shit.

BEDA10: Why I Tweet

In the past few months, being an avid tweeter has been a bit of a... problem.

I've been tweeting for almost four years. FOUR YEARS. You can't kick a habit you've had for four years.

BESIDES the fact that I have made a handful of my BEST FRIENDS on twitter*.

I'm hardly going to abandon my friends. That would be like the most horrible thing in the world.

I don't tweet because I love to share my life with the world - I tweet because I'm sharing my life with my friends who live from Australia to California to Texas and Indiana and New York and over to London and Ireland. So yes, maybe I am sharing my life with the world, but that's only because my friends are scattered across the world.

I'm really sorry - my views on this topic is so scattered and I'm so scattered that I can't really write right now.


*and youtube and tumblr and ning and so many other social media sites.

BEDA8: Happy Cadbury Eggs Day!

I'm not a huge fan of Easter.

No, really. I don't know WHY. I just never have been.

Today wasn't even all that... great. Just average.

I ate WAY more candy than I should have, did not do my homework, and watched TV all day. So basically a normal Sunday. Sans nap.

That is all.

BEDA7: Take the Leap

Tonight, I saw LEAP OF FAITH on Broadway.

Even though I am kinda BROKE and shouldn't have gone to see this, I am SO FREAKING HAPPY I did. I will list these reasons now.

1. I saw it in previews, a first. I also fell in love, so now I have ITS ENTIRE RUN to go back and see it. I really would love to get back before June, but even after that, I'll have the summer. Even if Raul is out one night, I get Louis. I will be seeing this again.

2. On that topic: RAUL ESPARZA. Besides the fact that I never pronounce his last name correctly, I adore this man to high heavens. I am celebrating 9 years of being a Broadway Baby and I have been listening to his voice for most of that 9 years. This man was in RHPS, Company, Tick, Tick...BOOM!, and so much more. His voice is heavenly. It's strong and stable and there's no doubt that he'll be nominated for a Tony. Since he's playing a preacher, it's only fitting how much he makes you BELIEVE. He's got a star's stage presence without (really) being a star. He commands everyone's attention from the first note to the last and wows all the fangirls and boys afterwards.

Oh, and when I brought up TTB, he told me how much the show changed his life. The greatest gift an actor can give a Broadway Baby is an actual conversation. Thank you, Raul, for that experience.

3. The rest of the cast. To list all the amazing cast members would be annoying. Especially since most of you will not know who they are. But let me tell you, these cast members KICK ASS. They are so fully of energy and life and love what they're doing in the St. James every night. A true telling of how amazing the cast is is what happens AFTER the show. Do they come out? Do they talk to you? Do they take pictures? Yes, yes, yes and SO much more. This cast LOVED greeting us and signing our playbills. This could be a perk of previews, but I doubt that. We loved them and they gave us love right back. My whole playbill is FULL. About as full as it's been since HAIR. Which is a helluva lot.

4. The story. While the story wasn't as great as some of the shows I've seen in the past year, Broadway isn't about getting deep [at least, not Irving Berlin's]. The story was simple, easy to follow, and had great music. That makes a great Broadway show. Romance, AMAZING choreography, and a star I could not stop staring at. That is enough reason for me to go.

5. Again, speaking of choreography, if this show doesn't get nominated, if not WIN that Tony, I will hurt someone. The steps were not only intricate, but INTENSE. These dancers, including Raul, put 140% into this show. I threw a fit when Legally Blonde didn't win Best Choreography, and I will throw another one if LoF doesn't win. Besides having Nice Work as competition, this show should get it.*


As of right now, that's all the reasons I can think of about why this show is amazing and deserves nominations and Tonys. I know this show will last throughout the summer, if not the year. Once people hear about this, well, they'll take the leap, too.



*And Godspell and JCS, too.